Hello, I made another comic
11mo
@paper
Hello, I did another comic, it's based on the touhou series and when I post this, I would probably already post the comic elsewhere, but I hope to get some criticism so I can do better on my next comic >_< For this comic, I didn't had a specific style in mind, I was looking at Andrew Wyeth's work and Takehiko Inoue but most of the time I was just looking at pictures of Marissa, Rhinosuke and Rumia (the witch, the guy with the glasses and the little girl that cry respectively) and just trying to get their characteristic right, halfway through, I got kinda tired of using Andrew wyeth's palette of mute yellow and green and experiment a bit to see if it could fit the story, I'm not sure if it works and would like to know if the color shift is too abrupt. I also tried using manga screen tones technique, specifically for page 4 and 5 (and also page 14 to an extend), I really like them, since I found the abstract pattern pushes the emotion, but I found it quite hard to integrate them to color work since most of the time I only see them use in black and white manga. (I also tried using crosshatching technique, specifically one page 3 and 14 on Marissa's neck, I would like feedback on both of this to see if they work or not) The writting was inspired by Samuel Beckett and Marcel Proust (I would also add Nabokov and Melville but with the exception of the passage where Rumia spell her name like humbert humbert spelled Lolita, I wasn't consciously thinking about them as much as the first two example), though this part doesn't really have to do with the art, so apologies for making this longer than it should >_< Anyway, other than that, I would also any critism on anything that doesn't work and further suggestion. Thank you for reading my post and thank you for the reply in advance :D (Also @Liandro any thoughts?) P.s. read from right to left
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Liandro
Hey, @paper, thanks for reaching out! I’ll refrain from commenting on color in your work - maybe I didn’t mention this before, but I’m red-green colorblind, so my perception of color is probably different than yours. About the cross-hatching: on page 3, I think it looks fine. It helps define the shape of the face, and it also conveys a vague sense of shading when zoomed out. On page 14, on the other hand, I think it may have gotten a bit too loose - at least to me, it doesn’t look very much like shading, but feels more like ink marks or another sort of indefinite texture on her neck. I agree with @Jesper Axelsson on the matter of clarity, and the exercises he suggested could certainly help! I think it’s pretty awesome that you keep working on your own projects! Alongside with that, I'd recommend seeing if you can also find some space to study and improve on your skills through classes and exercises, as one thing should help complement the other. Hope this helps!
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@paper
Hey, @Liandro , thanks for the feedback! I'm glad that the crosshatching (mostly) works! I did my best to take this into account and not go overboard with the crosshatching this time. I tried making the pages more clear by doing the exercise @Jesper Axelsson recommended and would like a third opinion if this work or not (also would like any opinions on anything else that doesn;'t work) Also beside the value study, I also did some figure drawing of Jeff watt's watts on bridgman, I did them with graphite on a board(?) and wanted to know how to improve the value, I tried my best to get the it as close as the photo and to design the anatomy as well as I could but still find it lacking, advice would be welcome (and actually advise would also be welcome to the value study and if I did them right >_<) Anyway, thanks as always for replying Sir, it's been more than a year and your input has never stop being helpful :D P.s. I also made a post on this comic, here:https://www.proko.com/community/topics/hey-i-continue-my-comic in case you want to see anyone else give their feedback on my comic :D P.p.s Did not know you were color blind, very shock.
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Jesper Axelsson
Hi @paper, cool comic! I would make clarity a top priority in your next comic. In many of these drawings I'm having a hard time understanding what's going on. Clarity is something I'm working on myself. Most of the clarity seems to lie in having a clear silhouette and a clear value structure. As an exercise you might try to do a one page comic using only two values. Try to make everything read clearly. And most importantly, have someone else look at your work, by posting here on Proko for example. That's when you'll know if it reads well or not. I did a drawing that I thought read really well, but when I showed it to someone I realized it didn't. In combination with the two-value comic, do some master studies, using only two values. I think I would recommend studying stills from Disney movies, since they are simplified and well composed. I've attached an image of some of my clarity practice as inspiration. Hope this helps :)
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@paper
Hey @Jesper Axelsson, thanks for the feedback, Aaarrgghh! I didn't notice the value being unclear! Alright! As per recommendation, I did some master studies in thumbnail size (I didn't do the 2 values comic thing since I had already started my third comic when I posted this and want to finish that first-sorry>_<- I'll do it now that I'm done with that!) Anyway, I also didn't pick disney movies (sorry again >_<) instead I chose local Misogynist Dave SIm's Cerebus comic, I guess this is kinda cheating since most of these are already in black and white, aren't they? ;^;, (oh well, hopefully there's some sign of improvement!) Also, this might be asking too much, but as a fellow student to another, I would like another opinion on my comic and ask if this time the clarity is better than before I had done these exercise (Also would like to hear anything else that doesn't feel right and could be improve) Anyway, thanks agains for taking the time read my comic, hopefully this one is better than the one before :D
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@paper
Also here's some references I use 1-3 screen tones references 4 character reference for Marissa (the witch) from my previous fancomic 5 character reference for Rhinnosuke (guy with glasses) 6- character reference for Rumia (the girl who said she's Rumia)
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