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4mo
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Hi everyone! I took Marshall's composition course earlier this year and have been trying to incorporate a lot of what I've learned into recent projects. This is a piece of fan art I did based off of the lofi girl on youtube. I feel like this particular one was difficult to balance because of how many small objects are on the desk. My goal was to make it look like she was being distracted by receiving a notification on her phone. However I don't really think that "story" came across. How do you feel this piece can be improved composition-wise? Thanks!
lofigirl
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Zoungy Kligge
I generally like this a lot. My instinct is that for the story to come across, I want to see the moment that follows this one...her head turns towards the phone, the pencil that's on her cheek is pulled slightly away, quizzical or annoyed expression. I arrived at these conclusions by acting it out, starting in this position that you've drawn. It would follow that other compositional choices would need to be made to support that gesture. The phone does need to be more luminous. One suggestion about how to do this is reduce the value of the whole thing with a black transparency, then erase away the layer to show light coming from the lightbulb and the phone. (Look at the example I included by Harry Kane, Three Investigators, for a nice example of this... ) Carefully choose where the light from these objects falls so that the composition/story is supported further. Probably the phone needs a decent amount of dark space around it for contrast I get the sense that the perspective of the phone is off, too. The phone looks like it is tipping back into the desk surface. Maybe double check that you have one horizon line and that the vanishing points for all the objects are on the line. If I'm right, then the adjusted phone will show more bright surface area which is good... more brightness! Good luck!
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monke_sama
i think you are right that the story doesn't come across that much, how about removing some objects from the scene and making the phone's light brighter, you will also be able to apply dynamic lighting then.(don't take me seriously i am 15 myself sorry bye)
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Rebecca Shay
I'm taking his composition bootcamp right now! So excited about what I'm going to learn there. The story is very specific. I think for the audience to get that, you'll have to move her iris all the way to the left, and possibly even reaching out her left arm for the phone. You can even do an AR popup like the attachments. Composition-wise, I feel like the clock is receiving all the attention because of the contrast, the cute cup gets a lot of attention too. If you don't want to make too many changes, I would at least move her iris and declutter the area around the phone so it's just the phone with more vibrant colors of banners.
Screen Shot 2021 06 14 at 9.32.27 AM
Screen Shot 2021 06 14 at 9.31.04 AM
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Serena Marenco
Hi Ray, I like it but I'm not so sure about the cat's tail.  Have you tried wrapping it around the body so that it doesn't touch the girl's arm?
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RItesh Dhande
in terms of story... u kept the whole composition filled with warm and dull colors... So if you want to pop out that phone notification... u can color the phone with cool and bright colors... so it looks very different from other stuff... also to actually make it feel like notification, u can show some animation stuff like the one most comic artists use for vibration, also put notification icon, insta notification or whats app's or FB.. anything u wish... so it will be more clear, also by looking at her face it doesnt lfeel like she is looking directly at phone, u may tweak a face beat to make it better i guess... i hope this is helpfull to you.... and i must say u are doing really good... we all make mistakes but ur doing a lot good... i like the warm colors and vibe it gives... good job bro!!
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