Oh man I can relate to all of that. I only just got back into art. I began to hate it. I quit for about 4 years. when I moved I didn’t tell people I was an artist and when people did find out, I said I was retired. Then I started modeling for a well known art college and everything’s changed. I am so inspired and reinvigorated, I am freaking out, I love it so much. I thought I was a pretty seasoned artist but now feel like I’m just beginning. Getting to hear the lectures, critiques, being in an artist environment and community has reawakened me. They appreciate the models, I never understood it before. I feel like I’m contributing to the next generation of talent. None of this is probably helpful to you, but I just really understand what you are going through. Seeing art through being a model has changed my perspective. That’s how I moved through it. Not sure what would work for others like yourself. Glad you asked though, maybe some fresh ideas will come out of it.

I love this question as it's formed part of my internal dialog many times in my life. The question you need to 1st answer for yourself is what drew you to art in the first place? Why DID you love it? I, personally, don't find it meditative... I find it to be a struggle (that some days I'm up for, and others, I'm not). I also find that very few people like my work because it's weird and a little dark, at times, but, I NEED TO MAKE IT! When I'm not making and I allow the doubt to win for too long, I feel completely miserable. Like I've stolen something from myself. When you persue being your best self, you ARE making a massive impact in the world. What others see and gain from your work is bonus-level stuff ❤️ But, here are some tools I've used to quiet that little voice: 1 - write all your anger and frustration down before you start working. You can trash it, if you like. You can even write "I hate writing because it's pointless!"... it won't be 😊 2 - listen to art podcast while you paint/warm up/drive. It helps hearing about Pros who have the same struggles 3 - play in your studio. Leave your serious artwork for a while and grab crayons and finger paint and play doh and make mountains of silly, fun, crap... just for the joy of it! 4 - read about artists (like Joan Miro) who made artwork when their world was falling apart. Good luck! It's a long journey back, but totally worth it!