I'm Learning How to Tell a Story
2w
monkeyxmonkey
Hello. Here are two pages I drew that I'd like to share and get feedback on. I'll take any critiques you may have for me. Don't worry about hurting my feelings, I work in the service industry so I already hate everyone and am bracing for the worst. But if you don't immediately know what to say, you can answer a few questions I have about the art: 1. Do you know what's happening? There's no dialogue on purpose. I want the frames themselves to be enough to tell the story. 2. Is it boring? I did what I could to vary the angles of each shot. I just finished watching David Finch's video on dynamic composition so I had that in mind. 3. Do you have any emotional reaction looking through it? I was trying to make the end feel both funny and creepy. Did I pull it off for you? Did you instead get bored and jump right down to the comments to let me know I suck? That's cool too. I need to know so that I can get better.
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jdn
that is either my cat or a straight up demon. eh i cant tell the difference 😂 love it though i would 100% buy this if it was a finished comic series. keep up the awesome work ✌😉
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pollypopcorn
One thing about your comics is you could maybe use more contrast and make your darks darker so it reads quicker, though that's obviously harder with just pencil. Another thing you may want to consider is making some of the panels have thicker lines so it's immediately clear that they're separate, especially on the first page. I'd say with the second frame I'm a little confused about what exactly I'm looking at (the edge of the couch? the couch arm? etc.) Besides that, what's going on is really clear. I think you did good drawing those tricky angles. I think the angles and frames you chose make it interesting. I would say that funny and creepy are the exact feelings I got from your comic.
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Giuliano Lo Bartolo
1. Do you know what's happening? Yes definitely. It was really easy to read for me. That you added no dialogue is not a problem at all. The kind of comic you tried is its own category of pictorial story, so its ok :) 2. Is it boring? Definitely not, its really funny. On the composition: Its nice to see that not every panel is the same. But I would say, try that all panels are in the same area. You should look for a "border" were all panels stop. Looks cleaner 3. Do you have any emotional reaction looking through it? I found it mostly funny but it got definitely a creepy vibe to it PS. Criticism is definitely not there for hurting someones feeling! And dont expect to hear that you suck. We are all learners here so "sucking" is just the part of the learning process. Also this kind of negative feeling doesnt let you look good and even makes you feel worse. Hope I didnt get too personal. Sincerely, Giuliano
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Liandro
Hey @monkeyxmonkey! I’ll start with your questions: 1. I could read the whole story quickly and with no confusion, so yeah, to me, it’s pretty clear what’s going on! Even in this rough sketch phase. By the way, I personally love visual storytelling, silent films and practical comedy, so, in my point of view, this works pretty well with no speech. 2. To me, it doesn’t feel boring at all. The angles are dynamic, the story itself provokes curiosity, and not sure if you intended this to be a comic page or a storyboard for an audiovisual piece, but I noticed you also varied the proportions of the frames in the overall page compositions, so that’s cool, especially if it’s meant to be a graphic piece. Dynamic composition techniques are awesome! But not using them doesn’t necessarily mean the piece itself would turn out boring or “unsuccessful” - there’s a lot of stuff (and also a lot of subjetiveness) at play. Allan Moore and Dave Gibbon’s Watchmen is almost entirely composed in a “staccato” style (regular frames in a gridded page - for some, considered a “boring” way to compose because it uses a lot of repetition), and Watchmen is known to be an icon of success in the world of comics. 3. My spontaneous reaction at the end was to smile while thinking “Medo!” (“fear” in Portuguese) - so yeah, I guess you pulled off a good combination of creepy and funny, at least to me. As a suggestion, I’d say you could take it further and develop the drawings some more. Perhaps do a finished version with ink, and maybe even some color? Whatever you choose, as you develop it, try to give some special attention to the set and the props - establish a solid sense of perspective, use good reference and design them with care! They may not be as much the star of the story as the characters in this case (well, the remote kind of is, but the rest, not so much), but anyway, when we take some time to nicely figure out sets and props, it helps immerse us in the story and makes the final piece stronger and more compelling as a whole than when we don’t. Hope this helps! Keep up the good work! o/
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stinkbean
I think you were pretty successful at establishing what's going on, I liked being able to follow the search without reading a thought bubble explaining what he's looking for. On the 1st page I think the middle panel is the strongest image for "where is that damn remote?" and it clarifies the entire page. The top two panels sitting on the couch are a bit harder to read whats happening with the character lifting up one pillow at a time. I understand exactly whats going on when I see him scanning the room with hands on hips. Perhaps the page could begin with the cushions overturned, like skipping over the initial stages of searching. Or maybe close ups of only his facial expression and his shoulders to indicate his arms are moving out of frame. Then the middle frame with the cushions overturned and him standing back in puzzlement. My reaction was mostly of amusement. What on earth would a beneath-the-couch-devil need a remote control for? The nostrils flared face on the 2nd page is my favorite. Nice work.
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