Hey, I did a comic
1yr
@paper
Hello, I haven't been here since 3 months, anyway I made a fancomic of persona 5, I wasn't going to ask for critique since I wanted to make it a hentai comic, but I forgot to put any sex in. So the good news I can post it here.
Anyway, I just finished the last page of my comic some few hours ago and counting the total is about 30 pages. About 20 of them is illustration and the other 10 or so are blank pages with words. I'll post them anyway so the story make sense, but you all can ignore them since this is a forum for critiquing drawing.
The biggest influence to the artstyle of the comic was the work of bill sienkiewicz , just for the fact that I have been trying to make a comic since I first started out drawing and could never finish one since I always got bored from using one style for over the course of a month. Sienkiewicz's work inspire me to experiment with my style and not be afraid to have multiple ways in finishing a page. Other influence include Bernie Fuchs (for his famous "wipe out" technique), Mark english (For the little dots he use to create interest in an otherwise bland area), John Singer Sargent (For his loose watercolor technique), Andrew Wyeth (For his tone), Bob Peak (For his inventive color) Takehiko Inoue (For the way he draw realistic anime face while keeping the expression and humanity of a character), Kentaro Miura (For his great paneling and making the page flow like a movie), Inio asano (For giving me the idea of making a panel and page completely blank and writting only text), and though I haven't finish his manga genshiken- Shimoku Kio (For his use of abstract expression that make me laugh)
{There's also other such as Cormac Mccarthy, Thomas Pynchon, Clarice Lispector, Fyodor Dostoevsky and Job from the King james' version of the bible, but since those are more literary influence I won't go too much into them}
But anyway, the biggest critisim I would like are if the color from page to page are jarring. Since I change style from page to page, I want to know if any feel "off" or "Doesn't fit". I also would like some critisism on if any page or panel isn't clear and should be redrawn. ( Would like to also know if the lettering's too small. Also would appericate to know if any part leap out and doesn't work)
Anyway, thank you for reading this far and for the critique, as always I hope I don't come off as too rambly >_<
{Also I know this is a bit out of the ordinary to what I ussually do and I'm still not sure if this is something appropiate to share, but @Liandro any thought on this?}
1yr
Hey, @paper, long time! Thank you for your patience in expecting my delayed reply.
Great job completing your project! Comics are welcome in the Proko community too. I really enjoyed seeing the diagrams where you show character references.
I think your pages may have been shifted out of order when you posted.
I honestly didn’t understand the whole story (maybe it’s because of the change in the page order, or because I’m not familiar with Persona5). But I like the overall aesthetics of your illustrations. I think there’s pleasing use of color schemes and textures, and, as usual, I enjoy the expressive quality of your brush strokes. I also like the variations in panels and page layouts.
I’d say the letters inside the speech bubbles are a bit to small, I had to really zoom in to read. The writing in the black pages looks a bit too fast and careless. One suggestion I’d give would be to treat the all-letter pages with as much care as the paintings. For these written pages, consider using a calligraphy style or typography and a page composition that suits the mood of your story. Think of letters as if they were drawings (which, in fact, they are).
Overall, since you mentioned, I do notice there is some change in visual style throughout the story, but, honestly, I don’t see too much incongruency. In the “big picture”, I think the visuals came across cohesively.
Hope this helps!
Let me know in case I can help you with anything else.
Keep on making art!
@paper
1yr
Holy shit, I didn't expected you to actually reply (I thought the content was too explicit)
Anyway, eeey, thank you very much for taking your time and critiquing my comic @Liandro, sir. Appreciate a lot considering it took me a month to do >_<
On the topic of the pages being out of order...Actually to be honest, uploading all the pages took me 4 hours to do, since I had to make sure all the pages was in order. So don't worry, it's not out of order, it's just my story is just fucking confusing. I think this was because at the time of making the comic, I realize I'm not the biggest fan of story heavy book/comic. (For example, when I read Naoki Urasawa's 20th Century Boys, I thought it the best comic ever written, with great story, character and art, but as the time goes, I realize I have no desire to reread since- and I got this from a youtube channel called paperbird, who I think tell it better than I could ever have- "How many times can you reread the same story", and something about that quote stuck with me since I realized the stories I reread the most, aren't because of the story, it's because they have abstract moment that elicit some kind feeling from me or some kind of characters that I keep wanting to revisit- Sasaki Kojiro dancing in the middle of a battle from the manga Vagabond came to mind, I keep revisiting that moment because my perception on what Sasaki felt at that moment kept changing as I age)
I am curious as though, as to which part is confusing, since my goal in writting a story is to make it simple and if it's confusing then it isn't simple, so if possible I would like to know, since I remember trying to make the story enjoyable for people who have played and haven't played persona (Though looking at it now, I am wandering if it kinda make the comic lose it's identity trying to appeal to both party)
On the topic of lettering speech bubble and dark pages, unfortunately I have uploaded the thirds and fourth page, so I cannot fix those, butI did tried to fix this one (see image 1). I also tried to fix the careless lettering on the black panel (image 2-4, image 3 I added to see if the flow of the comic still work with the change narration), but I found as I keep making them tidier that they also loose a certain energy, as I wanted the narrator to have a sort of manic energy to them, as if these narrator is trying what happen as quickly as possible before it ran away (The example I got in mind is Dr Violet's notebook from Bill Sienkiewichz comic Stray Toaster) So even though I do think the more neat lettering on these pages work, I don't want to carry that through the entire comic, but also I don't want the lettering to work ameture-ish, so here's my attempt at image 5-7, five and six are probably the one that has the most changes while image seven I just try to tidy it up a bit by making the lettering at least be on the same lane. (Would like to know if this is still distracting or not >_<)
Would like to also ask if the pacing of this work is off? Does it feel like it go way faster than it should be? I ask this because I've been reading a lot of novels spliced in with comics and the former have a more slower pace.
Also this a bit unrelated, but as the time I had done the comic above, I am now starting a new comic based on the touhou project. It was inspired also by George Herriman's Krazy Kat( a comic I have been reading a lot lately), in it, the background kept changing in a surreal style and I thought "what if we take it further and add surrealist coloring?". so in this comic I made it so every panel change color (Though I think I only figure that stuff out by the 5th panel as you see below), I also did the first two pages but I think I only gotten what I wanted it be by the second page, so that's the one I will post. The question I wanted to know is if the lettering is too small? Since I've been lettering it traditionally as oppose to my previous work where I letter them digitally and wanted to know if it's too small and I should redo them on a bigger page (I made these with a4 paper)
Anyway, I'll probably finish this second comic a lot longer than the first because my middle spine has been really hurting and my left eye keep aching from-presumably- reading too much. Hopefully these two things will go away and I don't take me another year to fix like the previous spine issue >_< (also any additional critique at this early stage would be appreciated)
Anyway, I'm sorry for rambling so much, it seemed I always do this when I have a subject that I'm too interested in. Anyway thanks for the critique, it really was helpful, don't worry :D ( Also the diagrams was really fun to make so appreciate the compliment)
P.s. Oh, and the work you're doing at instagram is just wonderful, sir! Just great cartooning and humour, please do more of them :D
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